Sunday, August 29, 2004

My First Fisking

Sorry I haven't posted for the last month. I was looking for a job and didn't have time to enlighten you. But fear not, for I have returned! I want to start out by doing my first so-called "fisking." I've seen a lot of Repukelican bloggers do these things, so their obvoiusly not to hard. If they were, only liberals could do it!

Anyway, CD (Conservative Douchebag) over at Semi-Intelligent Thoughts just wrote this post about war hero John Forbes Kerry and AWOL chimpenhawk George W. Bushitler. Well, you don't question the patriotism of a true American hero around here without Larry having a chance to respond! Let's fisk!

Italics= CD
Regular font= Larry
Indented text= Oppressed minority Bob Herbert


Of course, you chickenhawk warmongers don't want to support your imperialistic adventures as soon as they help a Democrat.

Holy flurking schnit, I can't take it anymore. Talk about the issues, people! I don't give a flying Fokker about what happened more than 30 years ago. I know I said that Kerry should deal with the charges, since he chose to run on his service, but take it down a notch! There are issues to discuss, you idiots!

Don't blame Kerry for that! Every time he tries to talk about how he'll fix the damage Dumbya has done to the country, the corporate media whores smear him as a flip-flopper who is out of touch with the average American. And besides, Kerry's heroic service as a hero in Vietnam proves how much better a leader he'll be than President Crackhead.

And now, a message for neolibs:


"Neolibs." What does that mean? I've been a liberal all my life, so I can't be a neolib. Maybe "neolib" is when Keanu Reeves improvises his lines? I'm confused. But I'm definately not a hypocrit.

You continuously call Bush a fascist, compare him to Hitler, and claim that he's crushing dissent.

Since he is a facist who is crushing descent, you shouldn't have a problem with that. And if anything, he's worse than Hitler. Your probably wearing a brown shirt right now, aren't you CD?

Then, as soon as an independent group criticizes John "F**k Up" Kerry, you claim that Bush should step in and stop their "smear campaign."

Why does that make anyone a hypocrit? Chimpy sends out his attack squads every time someone tries to tell the truth about his evil regime, but as soon as these unpatriotic traitors who didn't even serve with John F. Kerry start spreading lies, he pretends not to care. If they were telling the truth like Michael Moore, they would have the right to say whatever they wanted, but this is nothing but hate speech against a great American hero who bravely served his country in Vietnam.


Like I said, I pity you if you cant see the difference between the truth and hate.

And speaking of the "smear campaign" meme...crap like this makes me forkin' furious:

Max Cleland, minus the three limbs he lost in Vietnam, showed up in his wheelchair outside President Bush's ranch in Crawford, Tex., on Wednesday to suggest that the president take the simple and decent step of condemning the slime that is being spread by Bush supporters against the war record of John Kerry...George W. Bush ought to call off his dogs.

Of course you disagree with Bob Herbert, because your a hateful racist bigot just like all the other redneck conservative assholes.

First of all, the fact that it hurts the reputation of the Flip-Flopping Frenchman doesn't automatically make it "slime."

Its slime because it defames the reputation of a war hero who did heroic things while serving heroically in Vietnam! Why do you reich wing wackos keep questioning the patriotism of war heroes like Max Cleland and John Kerry?

I know that in Liberal Land, anything you don't agree with is a lie by default, but we're living in a wonderful place called "reality."

In "Liberal Land," you wouldnt even be allowed to have your lieing blog because it infringes on everyones freedom of speech when you spread your hatred.

You have to actually deal with the accusations, rather than attacking the messengers. Remember AWOL? Don't dish it out if you can't take it.

What does that mean? Pretzeldent Shrub was doing drugs and knocking up his girlfriend while John F. Kerry was being a hero. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it a lie. Take you're own advice for once.

And furthermore, what is this "Bush ought to call off his dogs" nonsense? They're not working for Bush! This is yet another common logical fallacy of liberals: "Anyone who doesn't agree with me is working for/with my political opponents."

How do you know their not working for Shrubya? I know that a real war hero like John F. Kerry woudln't spread vicious lies like their doing, and Bushchimperialist has a history of hiring surrogates to do his dirty work, so what other explaination is there? They probably weren't even in Vietnam like war hero John F. Kerry. Lieing liers.


Get used to the idea that people can, all by themselves, come to a different conclusion on an issue.

And if they weren't brainwashed by the brownshirts, they wouldn't believe the Swift Boat Liars.

It's not a shady plot by Karl Rove to discredit Kerry; It's just Americans exercising the rights they fought to defend. And now that I think about it...if it's wrong to criticize "war heroes," then why are you defaming the Swift Boat Vets? YOU'RE FREAKIN' HYPOCRITES, THAT'S WHY.

How many times do I have to explain this? It's wrong to attack John F. Kerry because he's a war hero who won 3 Purple Hearts, but they'res nothing wrong with fighting back against people who make unpatriotic attacks against a war hero. Do you even know that Kerry was a hero in Vietnam? The corporate media doesn't want to mention it, but its true!

In addition, if you partisan pukes would take a second to look at facts, you'd notice that Bush disagrees with the claims of the SBVFT. Oh, but Bush is a liar, right? We can't trust anything he says, so we have to put words in his mouth, like "Mission Accomplished" and "Iraq is an imminent threat."

Like I said, Bush* can say anything he wants because he pays people to spread lies about Kerry. You don't actually believe him, do you? If he was honest, he wouldn't be a Republican! And how is it putting words in his mouth when we just point out that he lied about Iraq being an imanent threat and the war being over? You must warship him so much that you don't think he can tell a lie.

Getting back to the Bob Herbert piece, let's talk about this "chickenhawk" crap again. Our misguided columnist says the following:

What is incredible is that these attacks on men who served not just honorably, but heroically, are coming from a hawkish party that is controlled by an astonishing number of men who sprinted as far from the front lines as they could when they were of fighting age and their country was at war.

He nailed it again! The fraudministration has no problem sending kids to die for they're racist oil war, but when they had the chance to be heroes like John F. Kerry, they ran away. Hey, their not ours, so what do we care? Sick freaks.

First of all, the attacks are coming from other veterans, but since this doesn't fit your "everyone who attacks Kerry is a puppet of Bush" view, I'll leave it at that.

They didn't serve with Kerry, so what credibility do they have?

However, I'm sick of people saying that you shouldn't be allowed to support war if you haven't served. You could at least be consistent about it. So, in the future...

-Don't call the police until you're trained to make an arrest.
-Don't even think about calling the fire department unless you work for them already.
-Don't order anything at a restaurant that you couldn't make on your own.
-Refrain from shouting suggestions at professional athletes until you prove you're capable of playing as well as they do.
-Don't vote unless you've held public office.
-Don't listen to any music until you learn how to play all the instruments.
-Don't pay for a haircut unless you learn how to cut it yourself.

I don't get it. Those are all jobs that people do because they want to, but Bushitler is sacrificing innocent young men and women, most of them poor and/or non-white, who only signed up because they thought they could get money for the education that this racist country denied them at home. Do you really think they would join the military if they knew they would be sent to murder brown people in the name of capitalism? And you know that there's a draft coming next year, right? Your 19 years old, CD, so I hope your ready to go.

...And so on. What's so hard to understand? We have a volunteer military because some people are more capable of serving than others. Declining to serve while still supporting the war doesn't make you a "chickenhawk" any more than calling the police makes you a "chickenpig..." or something like that.

As soon as the police start breaking into people's houses, killing their families, and stealing their oil, this will make sense.

And finally, let's take a look at this:

I would like to see at least some of these men, in keeping with their positions as leaders of a great nation, stand up and say it is wrong - just wrong - to try and reap a cheap political gain by defacing the sacrifices of individuals like John Kerry, John McCain and Max Cleland, who put themselves in mortal danger in the service of their country.

So would I! But they won't mention it, because they'd have to admit that their a bunch of evil cowards.

Disregarding the myths about McCain and Cleland...

They're not myths because you don't like them! We've seen these dirty right-wing tricks before, and now they're trying it again.

...let's talk about Kerry again. I agree that it's wrong to deface the sacrifices of war heroes.

Then why are you questioning Kerry's patriotism? He's a war hero, isn't he?

But when veterans lie about their service, and then use those lies as the centerpiece of their campaign, it's fair game. John Kerry reported for duty, and his duties as a public servant include telling the truth.

He has told the truth! It's only peolpe who didn't serve with him who are spreading lies! If it sounds like he's lieing, it's probably just too nuanced for you to understand. This world is too complicated for the simplistic, black and white views your hero tries to force down our throats. Cowboys disappeared a long time ago.

In any case, real heroes don't brag about their heroism. Real heroes don't use men whose lives they saved as political pawns. Real heroes don't use their war injuries to dodge any criticism of their voting record. Real heroes don't have to constantly remind everyone how heroic they are. Real heroes accept their heroism and move on with their lives.

Kerry wouldn't have to talk about being a hero if you would stop calling him and unpatriotic traitor! He's only talking about Vietnam because he has to prove that he doesn't hate America like you all say he does!

We had a couple real heroes running for president in the last decade, but I guess that since they didn't constantly remind us of how they served in World War II, they weren't heroic enough.

Why didn't they talk about it more? Were they ashamed of the atrocities they committed in the name of "democracy?" I bet they were.

Hypocrites. You're all a bunch of despicable, worthless hypocrites, and you're too stupid and brainwashed to even realize it.

There's no need to resort to name-calling, you facist dumbass.

I hate people.

Obviously, since you're voting for someone who want's to kill us all.

So, that's my first fisking. These are kind of fun. I may do it again if I have the time, but I still don't have a job, so I'll be looking for work during the week.

Anybody know a good place to work in San Francisco that doesn't require you to be in love with pResident Bush?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Discuss the truth

August 29, 2004 at 8:31 PM  
Blogger Alex said...

Is this supposed to be satire?

If it isn't, and this is popular opinion for liberals, God help us all.

August 30, 2004 at 12:10 AM  

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